my grammy died today. with the sun shining on her face and her first and only love curled up next to her. she lived such an unabashed, courageous life. she was the bravest person i'll ever know.

i was able to go home on friday to see her. she looked so beautiful. more beautiful than i'd ever seen her. her skin was glowing, and her eyes were the brightest, clearest blue. she looked like the light of heaven was already shining on her.

we all sat with her. we sang with her. we hugged her, and kissed her and told her how loved she was. we told her that we'd take care of papa.

i slept right beside her on sunday night. i pulled my bed up next to hers and held her hand until the sun came up. i don't think either of us really slept. we just layed together, and i tried to articulate my love to her in little whispers. i told her that any good thing in me is from her and papa. i thanked her for teaching me to love with abandon, and how to choose the right shade of lipstick for my skin tone. i told her she was my hero, and that i always knew how brave she was because i watched her battle her disease for my entire life.  i just told her who she was to me. and even though she couldn't say anything back, i know she heard me, and i know she felt the real hope of heaven.

when i was saying goodbye to her yesterday, i sang 'you are my sunshine' to her. it was the last song i can remember hearing her sing in her sweet, high voice. i kissed her over and over again, and when i pulled away to tell her i loved her and i'd see her soon, she had one big, crystal clear tear sliding down her cheek. down to her last minute, she knew how to love me.

and now i understand what paul meant when he said 'where, o death is your victory? where, o death is your sting?' the pangs of grief i feel are for those of us grammy left behind. but my sadness cannot long linger, because i know that she has already seen Jesus. she is already restored to her full, intended self. the self she should have been, that was paralyzed by sin. she is singing with her mother, she is praising God with all those who came before her.

she is looking into the full face of glory, and she is free.